Post No. 91

Sometimes I wonder if it's wrong to plan and anticipate too obsessively. I like planning. Writing down list after list of grocery to shop, things to do, places to visit, people to see. Planning is like putting my life in front of my eyes, I can see the way it is heading or even determine how do I get to the position that I want it to go. Planning also brings anticipation. When you take the time to determine the next step of life, you expect it to happen that way. I'd like to think I am a person that likes, or even love surprises, but I guess in truth, I spent too much time anticipating to surprise, and the surprise turned out to be a let down. At this point, I resemble myself to Blair Waldorf. Like her, I like to take care of every single detail of everything. Everything has to be perfect. To have perfection, there has to be control. But when control gets out of hand, it turns into an obsession. I think that's what I have become, an obsessive monster.