Post No. 63

HAPPY 20th BIRTHDAY SHIYUN LOVE  

31st July 

Shiyun. one of my longest. bestest friend ever. the one that I depend on the most.

Have a wonderful day my dear

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Post No. 62

had this epiphany to evaluate my life. took a step back, and had a good look.
nothing-ness.

devoted almost my entire holiday to waiting. but am never really sure of what I was waiting for. I opened up everything. facebook.msn.skype.mobile. but they are there, all good to go. but then. there is nothing. I never knew what I was waiting for. but I've waited. Night after night. I've waited and waited. nothingness. I tried to make myself understand my actions. and failed. and yet. I'm still there waiting.

I guess I've never realized how tired I am. physically and mentally.

Post No. 61

Bills.

they make me cringe alot. once. I was a innocent little girl who will not have to worry a single shit on bills and payments. now. I've grown up and trying to learn and accept the daily, menial duties of running a household. and one thing that annoys me the most are bills. monthly, quarterly, water bills, phone and broadband bills, electric bills, credit card bills. bills. bills. bills. its feels like someone is at your door every three days asking for payments, for money. it gets overwhelming at times.

since when basic necessities in life like water, gas, and electricity have to cost so much. all I care about is when I turn on a switch, the lights go on. when I turn on the tap, water runs. When I turn on the computer, the internet is up and ready to go.

who cares about rates, bandwidth limits and off peak and peak hours.

we use them because we need them. but everything in life is now so commercialize because people wants to squeeze the most profit out of everything. my eyes ogled when the bills came. I almost didn't understand most of it.

I wish life was simpler. no hidden service charges or asterisks.

Post No. 60

Sydney Visit. Day 2

We didn't do much that day. All of us woke up late. I forgot what we were doing the previous night. but yeah. by the time we got to the city. it was noon-ish. so Hyde Park it was. parks are just the best place for everything. who knew there will be so much going on. performers, gigantic chess board. museums. who knew just hanging out in the greens can be such fun.

Post No. 59

An impromptu date with Eclipse today♥

Eclipse is better than the first two installments, Twilight and New Moon. Eclipse bring more excitement. A better plot than the first two. This installment of the saga also brought in couple of fresh faces. One that I particularly adore is.

tell me how not to love Riley Bier. He is soooooooo much better looking than Edward and Jacob.

what a pity! He should have stay a lil longer in the saga *tho that will be going against the original plot*. ohwell.

The Team Edward vs Team Jacob debate.

stagnant. I really cannot decide who I prefer. Edward just looked plain awkward and Jacob is just sooo young. Tho these pictures just make them so much more yummy. I like the idea of Edward. Somehow. the movie just failed to translate Edward from the novels. haha. maybe this shows how rare and impossible is it to find someone so perfect ;))

If I really have to choose. I choose Emmett. HAhahahah.

Overall. I enjoyed myself. It got me excited tho I guess most of us already know the storyline. Also. It made me wish I can fall in love again. there and then. HA. if only it was this easy.

Post No. 58

Happy times. Funny how a bottle can make such a difference.
Just have to miss those times.

Another round. yes?

Post No. 57

Out of nowhere.
I longed to go to the beach. and greet the sea.
To swim in the waters.
To nap under the sun. staring back at me.
To feel the sand on my toes.
To smell the salt in the air. and in my hair.
To hear nothing but laughter and the crashing waves.

Post No. 56

Reviewsss.


It' sometime since I last finished a book.
and I managed to finish this last night. :)

I've always been a fan of Cecelia Ahern ever since I got my hands on P.S I Love You.
Most of Ahern's book are enjoyable, but this one I find it to be abit banal, disappointing. It failed of capture and entice me. Too much description of surroundings, rather than focusing on building the story plot itself. the interesting part came at the last quarter of the book, racing onto climax. the ending was also rather sloppy.
Definitely not one of my favourites.



Also. Last Tuesday. I saw this :)

It was a good movie. Got my excited throughout. I've actually watched the trailer and the interview on Oprah with the Smith family. so I've pretty much got a an idea of what to expect from this film. Who knew a 11 year old boy can do all that. He really deserve the credits. It's funny how I keep squealing for Jaden Smith when he got hit. It all looked so painful. I would pretty much recommend everyone to go see this.

I've also realise that I've actually seen most of Jackie Chan's English films. Out of all of them, I reckon this is the best yet. Dad would certainly approve. haha. he

Post No. 55

Unqualified Sydney Tour Guide. Day 1

Bestie Shiyun together with her bf Apek Lim came to visit couples week back.

This plan have got me so so excited for the longest time. From the moment she told me that she was coming, I've spent the longest time spaced out in my own little imaginary world, wondering what we should do and where should we go when bestie is in Sydney.

And at last, the day came. I stumbled out of bed, into the shower, then into my clothes. then into the bus till i got to penno st to pick them up. 

The first few hours felt surreal. I can't believe my bestie of the world wide world is here.

isn't everything more vibrant and beautiful when you have the best people around. ahhh. 

we didn't do much during the day they got here. us three were tired. they were jetlagged. I don't know why I am tired also :)))

Day 2. Macquarie.

I took them to Mq cuz we woke up late. and we weren't feeling too ambitious to go anywhere far ie. city.

I really love this. Don't you?

I heart this too. like just come out from movie. LOLXX. I should meybe consider being a part time photographer. ahHAHAHAH.

apek lim"s favorite activity in Macquarie grounds. CHASE BIRD. and take photos of them.

ahahah. 

Basically all the photos up here are on facebook too.

Post No. 54

Still no news on jobs yet. *sigh* why so hard?


Right now. I seem to miss old school Malaysian food. a lot. I don't think there's a point of making my own (tho it would better than having nothing). For one, I don't have all the utensils, I don't have the right skills and knowledge. and also, what's the fun of it when you don't have the right ambiance. Thus. 5 more months till I can see all these foood again. Bring me out to eat people.

I ought to blog bout best friendie's visit to Sydney. soon.

Post No. 53

saying that this drives me nuts is an understatement.

I am fucking losing my head over x. I don't know I put myself through with this shit.
I mean it doesn't have to be this way if it weren't for my ego. and clingy-ness.
It's all me. I know that. I just don't know how to stop.
I put myself out there so much, I don't have a place to hide and forget anymore.

*      *      *

Submitted an application to Maccas. Trying to get me hopes up. Wish me luck :)

Post No. 52

was fidgeting with google cuz I was bored. and guess what I have found.
designer handbagsss. at massively discounted prices. ohh yess!

Louis Vuitton and Pradas and Chanel in the AUD$200 - AUD$400 range. AWESOME.
more more reasons to get a job asap.
now I would definitely understand why people will rather not eat. than to buy a designer bag.

Post No. 51

I will die. soon enough if I continue on living like this.

Its been 2 days since best frendie left Sydney to her next stop, Melbourne.
For the first day I reckoned since I've been out to the city for one week straight, staying indoors to do some reading, and no be bothered of figuring what to wear sounds like an awfully inviting idea. and i stuck to it. cept that there was little reading involved. more on blog hopping, facebooking, and photo editing(only half way there).

and I feel so. unhealthy. zombie-like.

basically I have not done anything fruitful. looked around at my house. its a mess. a surprise visit from anyone will basically screw me. but I just couldn't pick myself up and do cleaning of any sort.

and that's day 1.

today is also a rendition of yesterday. lying around. watching movies. reading magazines. couldn'd be screwed to go shopping even though my fridge is like almost empty. plus the rain just didnt make anything better.


I need a life. I need to live.

Instead of wasting my life away. one day. i think this wasting time business will come back and haunt me. no joke. maybe like when I'm on the verge of dying.

I want a job. I need a job. I know I have been complaining alot that people will not hire me despite me putting me numerous resume. so I hope all the bosses out there will have a huge ass heart. and give me a job. I rather be out there, working my ass off, earning money. than lying round here, doing nothing.

Post No. 50

My head is a wreck these couple of days. 

How am I supposed to explain myself when I do not even understand what was and is still going on in my head? It’s ruining me. Inside and out. So many negative emotions. So many frustration. So many times I ask myself, WHY?

Why? I don't have an answer. Like I don't have an answer to everything.

*     *     *

I hate finding myself in awkward situations. 

This haven't been so strong until recently. My problem is. I do not know how to act around couples. any couples. and I do not know how to share. Spending time around them hits me with wharfs of mixed feeling. One minute it was lovely. another minute I will be furiously jealous and frustrated. Sometimes. I just don't know what to do, or where to look. 

Yes. Its the happiest and the loveliest when that's you that is in a relationship, to be in that secret circle. 

But like me. what if you are out of the circle? 

I was once in that circle. Maybe not the romantic type. more of the platonic type. best friendy kind. Now. I'm out of the circle. I have to excuse myself to make way for them. I have to learn to share. I have to learn to tolerate. Thing that I was never great at. 

I keep leaving myself wondering. of what that is happening exactly at this moment. right now. often, what I had in mind ruins me. or just left me wondering more.

I know that I was never great at these things. I'm terrible in fact. And I am ashamed of that side of me.

Frustration adds up. Pent up angry will erupt someday. I'm incredibly sorry for the people that I've lashed at. I don't mean it. I'm just frustrated. 

One thing that keeps popping to my head was the quote that I got from Chaigyaru. 

Sometimes you will feel like you’re alone, but remember, in this world, you will always have one friend. That one friend is yourself. This friend will always follow you wherever you go, always agree with you even when you’re wrong, always wipe your tears when you’re sad, always smile for you when you’re happy. Look into the mirror when you’re sad and tell yourself that there’s always someone who loves you back. Never ever let anyone else put you down. Remember, it’s you – not me.”

I reminds me that I still have me. Sometimes I just do not need other people to make me feel a little bit more worthwhile. I just need to take care of me better sometimes. me me me.

Life gets bored sometimes and I might need a dash of theatric antics. overdramatised. Seeing the need to be miserable. I guess little things like these bring me back to earth. 

I will love myself more and be my own best friend. 

I will learn to tolerate. and share. 

I will need to.

I will also need to watch my emotions. anger especially.

Post No. 49

Swings.

Swung the highest. Victorious. With the wind caressing your face. Smile. Happy.

Reach the bottom. And fall. To get lost. and confused.
when that happy face turned upside down. Into a frown.


Such a confusing state. To be at a emotion swing. in just one night.
I'm confused. I do not know what I want.
I'm at the bottom. Unreadable.
Confused.

With a string of negativity following behind.
Rage. anger. disappointment. tireness.




Fuck Life.