Post No. 118

Do you ever felt like time went by so quickly that you have not a single idea of what you are actually doing right now. I do. I feel like gone are the days where you take time and think, have a good coffee, make a right-minded decision and carry out what you have decided. Its the 21st century, we do things full forced, face paced. If you don't, you lose out and get left behind. Things get thrown at you and you have to handle them all with grace on the spot.

But at the end of the day, what does it get you? And will you be happy with what you have although it's not something that you'll like.

Post No. 117

Anyone who has learned economics will be familiar with the concept of opportunity cost: the cost of choices made measured in terms of the choices forgone. I am now at a stage where opportunity cost plays a crucial role, the last month of university till finals. It is the period that determines you either make it or break it. Obviously at times like these priority changes, things that are more important comes first (cough* assignments and tests) . It is also a time to make sacrifices. Giving up time spent sitting in front of a screen in exchange for time making friends with caffeine, notes and text books. How hard can this be?

I am practicing right now, trying to break the routine that I have been keeping for the past five months. Not an easy feat, but I am getting there. Fingers crossed that I will survive till the very end. For once I  want to conquer and not be conquered.

Post No. 97

two months into this year. I have an epiphany to reinvent myself. shouldn't it be this way? trying to make myself to be a better person each and every year.

Never used to believed in resolution. Seemed impractical to me. but this year I decide to write myself a list of resolution, and print them out real big so I'll see them everyday and remind myself constantly. 

1. Spend at least five hours in the (uni) library reading up my materials and study each week. Everything has to be up to date and completed before due dates. All nighters will not cut it anymore.
2. Be in bed latest by 1am if I have things on the very next day. 
3. Visit the local library at least once a month, getting fresh reads every time. Reading is better than giving the mall or the laptop a visit.
4. Save at least $50 a month. (after finding myself a new job)
5. Exercise at least two days a week.
6. Straight distinctions for my second year.
7. Buy myself a scale. and lose 10kg by the end of 2011.

not to hard aye.

Post No.95

2010 is wrapping up today. Couple more hours to go, and there goes the year.

To sum everything up, 2010 is the year...

1) I moved out to a new place with my brother to start an independent life by ourselves. We learned how to run a household and do everything by ourselves.

2) I got a taste of my somewhat freedom. no one looking over my shoulders and I sorta can do much that I want. 

3) I got a job. Earned my own bucks. and loves the feeling of spending my own money. without any guilt.

4) I started my first year in uni, working on my bachelor degree. rawrrr.

5) I realised how costly is it to maintain a household. bills bills bills.

6) I got my Malaysian P's. abit slower than everyone else. but fuck. I still get to drive. yeh. Australian red P's in the process as we speak. 

7) I hit 20. two decades into my life. 

8) I got myself an Iphone4. with my own bucks. not even looking back to the Nokias, Sonys. Best thing ever.

9) I discovered macaroon goodness. ohhyummm. and other gourmet fine dining foods. Masterchef FTW. and not forgetting bubble teas. 

10) I cannot wait to be done with. because everything is in monotone. no sparks. no colours. no whatsoever.

Still. 

Happy New Years. 

2011. come quickly please.

Post No. 91

Sometimes I wonder if it's wrong to plan and anticipate too obsessively. I like planning. Writing down list after list of grocery to shop, things to do, places to visit, people to see. Planning is like putting my life in front of my eyes, I can see the way it is heading or even determine how do I get to the position that I want it to go. Planning also brings anticipation. When you take the time to determine the next step of life, you expect it to happen that way. I'd like to think I am a person that likes, or even love surprises, but I guess in truth, I spent too much time anticipating to surprise, and the surprise turned out to be a let down. At this point, I resemble myself to Blair Waldorf. Like her, I like to take care of every single detail of everything. Everything has to be perfect. To have perfection, there has to be control. But when control gets out of hand, it turns into an obsession. I think that's what I have become, an obsessive monster.

Post No. 90

I'm guessing by now most of the people in Malaysia would have known about this Alviss Kong incident that cause quite a stir on Facebook and the news.

And yes. It's 4am and my brother's birthday and I am supposed to get some sleep early cuz hafta get a cake from the city tomorrow morning.

It shows how pissed off I am with this incident for me to stay up and write about it so that I can share my two cents worth of opinion.

Long story short. Alviss Kong, 22 years old decided to take his own life after breaking up with his second girlfriend of 4 months. Prior to his suicide mission, he wrote a long farewell note, devoting his last words to his second ex-girlfriend. He also told everyone his ex was not to blame for his action. His actions was merely to give himself some peace and closure, as he find nothing worthy for him in this world. More detailed news cover here and here.


what I think about this.

I do not fault his girlfriend in this incident. I do not know them personally so I am not in the position to judge what has been going on in their relationship. He took his own life. His girlfriend did not stand by him and encouraged him to jump. Obviously after getting out a relationship, there will be an emotional turmoil going on inside you. You let yourself go for a bit because you want to get those negativity out of your system as soon as possible, then pick yourself up and go on with life. Life is too short to keep dwelling on a petty four month relationship that has no way of turning back. He failed to do that and succumbed to his emotions.

He whole world was blinded. The only thing that he sees is his girlfriend, who she is everything that matters. So when his girlfriend break things off, to him, his world was taken away from him. I personally, do not feel any empathy for him, not one bit. To do what he has done is a very selfish act. The only people I feel sorry for are his parents and family. 22 years of hard work raising, educating and feeding this man, he ended up throwing his life away just because there is a hiccup in his love life. You leave this world, but you left your mess behind for the people who cares about you. You maybe resting in your coffin now, nothing to worry about. But have you ever thought about your parents, your sister, your family, your friends? How much tears and heartache for your stupidity? And the emotional scars you leave behind.

You decide to be a coward and run. But you have no idea of the damage you leave behind.

Post No. 72

Post No. 71

Wrapping up the month of August.


Uni started at the beginning of August. and during then. I looked forward to it. as I was just too bored with my life. and holy moly. four weeks into the semester and am I feeling the pressure. this two weeks are mainly assignments and class test period. so I guess people will be busy much. as I am one of them. typing frantically of any assignments that was thrown in my way. I don't know bout you. but ever since I started uni, I haven't really been hand-writing anything a lot. most of them are typed. now I find that it is quite difficult to read my writing because it gets so ugly. and not to mention how much my hand hurts writing under pressure. four pages worth of stuff in forty minutes.

in this month. I am also learning to open myself up to people. like being less guarded after a sip or two. but I can be under the influence all the time. or I'll have to see you in rehab. yeh. Idk. Trying to make myself to be initiative instead of sitting there and waiting around.

ALSO. I've join the Apple gang and got myself an iPhone4. It's some awesome shizzz. I'm no good with writing reviews on stuff. but yeh. judging from the hype of iPhones. you'll know how good this thing is.

been paying a bit more attention to politics and current affairs in Aussie and Malaysia too. the occurrence baffles me sometimes. racist issues, political differences, frauds and all that. the world is not such a pretty place after all.





yeh. that pretty much sums up my month. nothing fantastic. but I'm living.

Post No. 68

Been having this thought for the past few weeks. All my life till now, everything was set up to me. Where to go what to do how to live. I obliged to these arrangements but lately I feel the urge to take control, maneuver my life, doing things and making decisions without anything or anyone to hold me back. To live solely for myself for a while.

People had been asking during last sem break,
"Why don't you come over to visit? Air tickets are shit cheap... blah blah blah"
"Oh I can't leave Sydney cuz I have to take care of this or take care of that"  
I don't really want to say that anymore. I don't want responsibilities that I have on my shoulder to hold me back from actually living my life. People always quote "Live life to the fullest". Its easy to quote, easy to say, easy advise. But pull your breaks and take a step back, and think. Have I really been living my life to the fullest? Or am I just living my life the way it should be. I am not pointing fingers at anyone. Nor am I trying to escape from my responsibilities. I just want me to be me.

Hence. I came up with this plan. I want to leave Sydney on my own for a year or two. I'm not talking bout going away, doing nothing but country hopping. My plan is for me to get an internship or a job in New York. Yes. My plan is for me to temporarily moving to New York City by myself. After graduation. I cannot pinpoint exactly what have driven me to make this decision but I'm glad I did, because now I have a goal, something non-shallow (AHHHAAAAHA) for me to look forward to.

I used to be sad when people like friends or family telling me that they are leaving, chasing after dreams. Whilst its painful to let someone go, I now understand why they have to do it. Growing up we began to understand ourselves a little bit more each day, what we actually want for ourselves. and how to get what we want, even though it spells separation of what we have grown up with. Its all part of achieving 'self-actualization'.

New York. I guess I want to feel the energy, living on the fast track, life on constant fast forward mode. and also, I want to know what its like to be a workaholic. Career driven, achieving for myself. Bottom-line, I want  to learn to love myself more instead of wasting away.

See you soon New York. In couple years time.

Post No. 40

When old dreams don't come to realization, you know its time for new ones.


I finally got my timetable for 2nd semester sorted out. Free on Tuesdays and Fridays. Good thing bout being free on Fridays are that you'll always have a long weekend. Setting up this timetable actually makes me look forward to the coming semester. A fresh start perhaps. A promising start? Better not over think this again.

Monday. I shall go job hunting. Like seriously. I'm not gonna bum around for the next two months. tho I'd loved to. Need money. Too many wants.

I guess when you find it impossible to realize mental intangible dreams, its makes more sense for you to realize the physical, materialistic ones. cuz then you'll feel that you are actually something. in my opinion at least.
So, make money, buy things I really, seriously want, and be happy me.

I missed going to the park. Sitting on the greens, wind on face. Doing nothing. and good sun.

Post No. 23

aha. i have a couple of minutes to spare before my next lecture.


so, how's life been going?


Busy busy busy bee.

For starters.
I am now one of the two Social Directors of MSA (Macquarie Malaysian Students Association).
No one would be as surprised as I would be to be honest.
its more like a random stab for me one day when I got this email offering the available positions.
I had this rush to run for this position.
and so I did.

And I got the post.
and I went to the ICC in UNSW the very next day.
and I was not told that they were going to play some amazing race game! ran around campus for a freaking hour and a half. and i was wearing flats. so whenever i run, it'll be like "plak plak plak"

this is the very last stop. where we have to transfer a 50cent coin among 6 ppl only with our head (no hands).
not to mention that we were all hot and sweaty and greasy at that time. very dirtty.

I got so sore the very next day cause..
I dont even remember when was the last time i ran like that.
But all around, it was a fine day.



Next. is that im up to my neck with my studies and assignment.
I am officially clueless on everything.
God help me.


It's been some time since I last swam. feel like hitting the pool. with flippers.
hmmm. anyone?

Post No.14

Gosh. there goes my 2 and a half month holiday.

yours truly is flying back to sydney today. not happy. at all.


I feel like crying. Separations are simply a bitch.

Post No.8

*sigh*

waiting is such a funny game.
sometimes u want the day that u have been waiting for to arrive quickly, but it takes the longest time for them to arrive.
when u want the wait to last as long as possible, it somehow always manage to find shortcuts and quickest way to get here.

thus, conclusion, I loath waiting.


Today has been a mix of different types of wait.


Exhibit #1.

I've been dreading for my brother to leave for Sydney ever since i got back. Though our future sounds exciting, moving out and all the things that comes along. I dont want him to leave now. Its been some time since I last came home. How hard and rare to have all 5 of us living under one roof again. now we have to separate. Happy times are the shortest time. Now we have to wait till next December to reunite. Frankly, I feel bad for my parents. Seeing their children growing up and leaving is the hardest task for any parent. So time flies and he left today. We all dreaded this is actually happen.


Exhibit #2

Its 1am right now and im still waiting for my sister to finish her homework before I can go to bed. FML. I so wish this type of wait can end quickly. I have to get up and go to work tmr at 7 in the morning. grrrrrrrrr. my panda eyes are getting deeper and deeper day.